Reflections from a Silent Perspective

I know it has been some time since I have posted here last but with all of the events that have occurred this month coupled with the anniversaries of the passing of Johnathon, My Grandmother, and My Dad I felt that it was time for the silence to pass.  It has been 5 years since Johnathon has left my side, 3 years that my Grandmother has passed, and the 1st anniversary of my Dad's sudden and unexpected departure.

Each loss brought about sorrow, a feeling of being lost, and the necessity to lean on friends and family members to help overcome grief.  Every year you get a little stronger and work a little harder.  This year has proven to be the toughest of all.  Through all of the major events in my life one thing has always remained constant . . . love.  Love from my parents to pick me up, stand me back on my feet, and tell me to go forward.  This year that has not been as present as I have realized how much of pillar of strength my Dad was.  It's sad to say that it took his passing for me to understand all those times I thought he was mad at me that really he was just trying to make me a better man. I guess hindsight is really 20/20.

This years shootings in Connecticut has only strengthened the lessons I learned from Johnathon, to love those in our life as much and as dearly as we can.  For we never know when they could be taken from us.  I have always done this with Liam, even through his tantrums and stubbornness I have always found something funny he has done that day that made my heart swell or created a great laugh.  I know my Dad would be proud of the Father I am becoming.  I only wish that I could have received more wisdom from, but then I myself that he too made mistakes and learned from them just as I have to do.  You will never know how good you have become until you have seen how far you have come.

I know that I have remained silent here and to many of those around me, lost in thought and reflection.  I know that I must move forward and break that silence.  Call it a genetic trait that is hard to break as the Janis men are notorious for keeping things to themselves.  Consider this my first step toward that.  With 2 of the more happiest events of my life to come this month (the 13th wedding anniversary to the sweetest person I know and Christmas), it's time to stop being sad this month.  It's time to see this time for what it's meant to be.  For me its the biggest event (and the best) of my life and the time that I get to spend with my friends and family members.  This year the "big Christmas breakfast" has returned.  A time for me to serve those I care about the most and provide them one of the most important needs of their life (food) on a day to celebrate the birth of the most famous servant leader of them all.  Will this stop those thoughts in my mind . . . NO.  Will I always carry a bit of sorrow that those who have passed cannot be with us . . . YES.

Hug your kids, kiss those who are closest to you, and take the time.  Take the time to listen and create memories.  For when life rains on our parade and beats us with a stick its those positive memories that lift us up and stand us back on our feet.  Where we go from their is purely up to us.

Thank you!  Thank you for coming into my life, being a part of it, spending your time reading my thoughts and feelings, and for letting these writings create a moment of thought in you.  Thank you for the impact you have had on my life.  Thank you for being there.  Finally thank you for the small things you do that you do not realize has a positive impact on my life and others around you.

I hope to continue to post many more thoughts and events here in the future so that one day my legacy will live on beyond me and that Liam can pass it down to his children.  In closing I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.