That Spark

We all know those moments in life where we have a spark that has pushed us to exceed beyond our normal self. Those times when we were running slow and something or someone pushed us along. For me I have always found inspiration from many things (Mom's smile, the joy of friends, love, and inner desire). Sometimes we reach a point where those normal sparks aren't there and we become lost . . . almost trapped in ourselves.

Ever since we have found out about JJ and diaphragmatic hernia's I have tried to provide the spark for Becky and our families. One of my contribution was through hockey. By providing us something to talk about other than the life and death situation that we are facing with JJ, it kept our minds occupied and fresh. I myself first gathered my inspiration from taking a piece of tape and taping it to the back of my hockey helmet with the letters JJ on it. Every time I would put my helmet on I reminded myself that no matter how bad it gets tonight my fight is nothing compared to my unborn sons future battle. As I would grow fatigued during the game, I would look up from the bench and see my family and friends there rooting me on. Most of all I would see Becky smiling. I would then feel energized ready to go again ready to battle.

This past weekend I faced my toughest battle by playing in 3 back-to-back-to-back games. Something that I saw as a challenge. No matter how strong I felt I knew I could do it. However when my night started off rough I lost myself. My thoughts turned to me and I could not get my head into the game. I would skate to the bench and stare up at the Crossbar looking for a face of anyone I knew. No one was there, no family, no friends. I felt all alone with a tough challenge ahead. With Becky stuck at home on bed rest and unable to attend, I still could not get her out of my mind. I kept searching, hoping to see her. I kept looking for my spark. After 8 years of marriage its good to know that I still need her so much in my life to help provide me with that spark.

After completing my first game, a blowout loss by the Komets to the Patriots, I went to my other teams locker room. I was hoping a cool drink would do something to set me right and get my head into the game for the next game. Just when I felt at one of my lowest with nowhere to turn, something changed. You never know when something else will provide you with a spark but it happens (whether its divine intervention or just part of life sparks can appear). It took two people to do what one of Becky's smiles does to me. My fellow teammates (and friends) Mel and Alex provided that spark to me. They pushed me in the right direction and kept me going. Their words of encouragement gave me the spark I needed. Thanks to them my toughest night became a lot smoother.

Even though we lost our second game, we fought hard and stayed strong to win the third game of the night. Even though my other team the Grave Diggers did good, it was the spark that Mel and Alex gave me that carried me through it all. When I came home and saw Becky I felt that spark grow stronger. I could tell even though she was not there with me, she was there mentally the whole time. Just remember we can't do it all and when that spark is missing from its normal place have faith that something else or someone can provide you that spark. Oh and also remember that after 3 games of playing hockey you will have soreness in places that you would not know muscles existed. We will talk about sparks of pain another time.